IT'S PLAIN ROBBERY

Just how good is the security of the European Parliament? EUseless and it's a fact. As long as you have a credit card sized piece of plastic in cerulean blue you can flash it on your way through the security gates to indicate you are a member of staff. (Trainees get red and visitors get white) If you are at one of those entrances where you have to place it on the gate activator and it doesn't work, a helpful security guard will use his ID and wave you through. If you go PING! in a metal detector along the way, the guards simply ignore it. Today someone wandered through security and onto the indoor street of the main EP concourse then proceeded to rob the EP branch of the ING bank. Then they walked back out of the Parliament. Because the three banks inside the Parliament are deemed secure the staff do not even have a transparent security screen to hide behind.

The story broke as EP security dashed about telling people to lock themselves in their offices whilst they scoured the labyrinthine buildings. They were phoning each other to find out if they were allowed out to the bathroom yet. The Euro Parliament news service kept staff officially in the dark for four hours after the 4pm raid and when people complained sent out a snooty e.mail stating that it's remit was to talk to journalists not MEP's and staff.

Of course if the bank raider chose to stick around there are lots of unlocked empty rooms to hide in odd corners of the Parliament, then there are several cafeterias, a canteen, a gym, a barbers, a laundry, a newsagent, a supermarket, a travel agents for when he's ready to take a holiday with all that cash, perhaps using the Commission to Cayman Islands Shuttle. If he or she fancies another go there is a choice of three bank branches in one EP building and two more in another, an international cash till and a post office are also available.

Then again the EU is plain robbery to start with.

BABY SPIES AND BEAUJOLAIS

The European Commission fears that its confidential documents are increasingly at risk from spies "We are not only pointing the finger at journalists. It could be the pretty trainee with the long legs and the blonde hair," commission spokeswoman Valerie Rampi said on Wednesday (11 February).

UK (Tory) MEP Brigadier General Geoffrey Van Orden formerly of the intelligence Corps pointed out that the EU is institutionally incapable of keeping a secret. 'Vin Ordinaire' as he is known to his friends when they want to make his face twitch, is a typical Tory of the Janus Club. Two faced like the Roman New Year God, a sceptic to his constituents, but a Europhile in Brussels. It is unusual of him to criticise the Commission but then he is only stating the obvious.

Nevertheless a big bold beaujolais for the brigadier.

I myself have heard that the Euro Commission and Parliament are so wide open that Brussels is where the World's baby spies are trained. They can hang around in cafe's around the Commission picking up juicy gossip before moving on to a job infiltrating the Commission as a Eurocrats assistant then moving up to being a cleaner - It would take more humility to be a cleaner - a commodity Eurocrats are short of.. Presumably the baby spies have to take on NATO to graduate.